Planted.

Nice. Much like some of the clever little plays on words you often see on signs outside churches ("Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday"; "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily"; "Under same management for over 2,000 years"; "Stop, drop and roll doesn't work in hell"; "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or non-smoking?"), this garden nursery had some fun welcoming our later-than-normal warm weather. Well done.

A Brush with Fate.

I'm sure most would bristle at the suggestion of using a random, lost toothbrush found on a street corner. It certainly doesn't tickle my ivories. Similarly, the thought of a "Tasty Reward" from someone seeking said lost toothbrush makes my stomach turn a full revolution - not something I'd want to sink my teeth into. I got a particular chuckle out of the claim beside the picture, which reads: "Actual Toothbrush."

I'm still not sure if there was a point of posting this flyer in the window of a local paper box (whatever happened to the "Missing" ads on milk cartons?), but it gave me a good laugh. And reminded me to go remove these sweaters from my teeth.

H2No.

I saw this ad in a magazine and thought, shouldn't it really read: "An overly caffeinated world doesn't need caffeinated water"? We've already got chocolate, tea, coffee, soda, etc.; why the need for 'invigorated' water? Is there such thing as "sensibly caffeinated" agua? Really, I've seen enough people get bent out of shape over having fluoride flow through our taps, but an addictive substance like caffeine is okay?

I can only imagine people in the developing world seeing a product like this (as, in many places, they scoop their refreshment out of muddy puddles and polluted streams) and shaking their heads at the consumerism and overall pretentiousness of such a product. Maybe it's just me.

Car(te) Blanche.

Read this fun little feature from the Canadian Automobile Association (CAA) magazine about odd road rules (no, not the ridiculous 'reality t.v.' show) from around the world and felt the need to share. Not that we don't, of course, have our own idi-road-snycracies right here at home, but...

• Many of Bangkok's one-way roads change their direction at certain hours of the day. (Intoxicated drivers and tourists on mopeds, beware.)
• In traffic-heavy Manila, vehicles with licence plates ending with the numbers 1 or 2 are forbidden from operating on city roads on Mondays between the hours of 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. (One is the loneliest number. Well, other than two, I guess.)
• Taxi drivers in Finland must pay royalty fees to the Finnish Copyright Society if they play music in their cars while transporting paying customers (which has, not surprisingly, led to the runaway success of the Finnish talk show programme, 'Herring on the Side of Caution').
• It is illegal to park on the side of the road almost everywhere in Japan (which is likely wise; have you seen how many people live there? Yes, 127.4 million).
• Taxis in Australia must carry a bale of hay in the trunk. (For the lambs, scurrying alongside the road? Hmm, I guess that'd be more in New Zealand; maybe it's to transport wounded wallabies?)
• In Switzerland, washing your car on Sunday is frowned upon. (Isn't everything? You'd think they'd be more neutral than that.)
• South Korean drivers cannot turn left except at certain intersections where indicated (Um, isn't that being a little leftist?)
• In the UK, it is legal for a male to urinate in public, provided it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle. (The Brits, too: the discrimination against left continues, unabated.)
• Rental cars have been banned in order to control road traffic in Bermuda. (Not like there are tourists in Bermuda or anything. Line up right here to be gouged by a taxi driver.)
• In certain areas of Shanghai, it is illegal for drivers to honk their horns. (Ironically, not in residential areas?)

Hamburgler's Makeover.

No, really, whatever happened to Hamburgler? Or that bloated purple jube jube named Grimace?

I recognize I'm a little behind the times here as it has already been a couple years since McDonald's decided to overhaul its image, but as someone who very, very rarely frequents fast food establishments, I only saw for the first time today its new, grown-up look. Earth tones? Brushed steel? Leather upholstery? Flat screen televisions?

Whatever happened to the garish orange, browns and yellows that were supposed to tease your psyche into feeling hungry for greasy, mass-produced food? The moulded plastic seats that would stick to your legs on hot summer's days? The ball pits with unmentionable things crawling through them in search of wayward french fries? The plastic bibs with LSD trip-induced cartoons on them?

In some ways, I can see the company needing to adapt as demographics age, but this was one of the world's most iconic and established brands. An update, I can see, but the complete overhaul surprised me somewhat. And to make restaurateurs themselves absorb the costs of renovating ($300,000-$400,000) and destroying all that's been built up over 40 years of branding seems just criminal.

With an increased concern about issues related to obesity - and with its reputation for contributing to them - it almost looks to me as though McDonald's is trying to disguise the wolf in sheep's clothing. One thing certainly hasn't changed: I still felt nauseous when I left.

Neither Jeep, Nor Jeans.

I can just picture the successful applicants now, running through fields of posies with tiny lassos, accompanied by a soundtrack of Puccini.

"I'm going to wrangle myself a blue one!" Wranglers? Really? I can't imagine the silken-winged critters putting up much of a fight as they flutter by. Of course, curious to see how common the term "Butterfly Wrangler" is, I punched it into Google. 38 hits.

Needless to say, I chuckled when I saw the sign while walking through the Biology & Geology building this morning. As advertising goes, it worked. I felt this was a position that should be added to the list of cool jobs on campus that sound comical, which also includes a bug chef for one of the larger research facilities (one who makes food for insects, not out of them).

It also reminded me of the all-time classic cat-herding commercial:

A Severed Connection.

Appropriate enough, I guess, given that the "Mix Fruit Bowl" likely consists of sliced fruit, but I got a chuckle of it being described as "Severed" with Strawberry, Orange, and Apple." Certainly, a cut above.

Yes, small things entertain me. I was also even mildly amused by the menu's inconsistent re-ordering of its ham, bacon or sausage options. In each different dish, it is as though a different pork product demanded top billing.

The fruit cup wasn't the only time the term "severed" came to mind on the weekend, either. At one point, looking across the street, I told the person I was with: "There's a homeless guy with a saw over there." "Yeah right," came the reply.

Then the scruffy man with several dark hoodies, tinted glasses and hat pulled low climbed through the broken slats in the fence, wandering along other people's backyards - with a long hand saw poking out like a pirate's hook. The only thing more jagged than the teeth on the saw were the ones in his mouth. It was a moment straight out of a cheese ball horror movie script - craziest thing I ever saw (yuck, yuck).

No Ordinary Joe.

So long to a Second Cup of Tim Horton's Starbucks, even if it is Seattle's Best?

If you find yourself around King and Sherbourne in Toronto, you may indeed find yourself having a mug of creamy caffeination that would make the street corner-hogging, hyper barista-flogging chain locales become 'has-beans'. Bisogno, now that's a coffee.

With an antique dining room table around which to sit and a couple of plush couches, this hip little spot makes for a nice place to enjoy a mighty fine cup of coffee - even if it did take nearly a half-hour to have it made (but really, when was the last time your venti, one-and-a-half shot, half-sweet, no-foam macchiatto came with a heart on top?)

What the sign said was true: with coffee and ambiance like that, it's not going to need much advertising.

Shake a Fist at the Devil.

In some ways, a little late perhaps, but with retired Lieutenant General Romeo Dallaire - who was responsible for the United Nations mission to Rwanda during the 1994 genocide - speaking to local audiences a couple of weeks ago and current Rwandan Ambassador to Canada, Edda Mukabagwiza, in town yesterday, Rwanda has been a hot topic around here recently.

Dallaire spoke of his experiences and frustrations in Rwanda, and of the lack of international support for the UN mission. He also tried to motivate young people to effectuate change and to make a difference in this world of 'haves' and 'have nots'. While certainly not without his faults - as if any of us are - he is an inspiring man dealing with very important issues. I simply cannot imagine having walked in his shoes. As frustrating as things in life can sometimes be, they can always be worse. This is a man who had to move dead bodies off the road in order to drive through the streets. I tell myself daily that however ridiculous some of life's challenges are, I'm not having to deal with that. It's amazing how simple life can sometimes be: if you have the love of family and friends and are blessed with skills, health and opportunity, little else is really significant.

During her public address, Mukabagwiza told nearly 200 people, “When people think of Rwanda, they think of genocide. We would like to change this image." She spoke of her country’s efforts to rebuild following the 1994 genocide, and its attempts to bring perpetrators to justice – something she was tasked with in her role as Justice Minister.

Pointing out that only 6,000 files were closed in the five years following the genocide, Mukabagwiza said classical justice was not enough: with more than 120,000 suspected perpetrators, it would have taken more than a century to prosecute everyone. Instead, Rwanda combined classical forms of justice with a traditional, community-based ‘Gacaca’ court structure. The system uses “wise people used as judges elected by the community so that people can trust the judgments they are going to make,” Mukabagwiza told the audience. “We can get reconciliation more quickly than with traditional justice.”

Depending on the purported offence, suspects are divided into one of four categories. The first, tried in national criminal courts, is dedicated to those accused of planning, organizing and leading the genocide, or suspected of carrying-out sexual crimes. The second and third are reserved for those alleged to have been involved in committing physical attacks, the former resulting in death. The fourth category is for those suspected of committing crimes against property, like theft and looting. These last three categories are tried in community Gacaca courts.

Due in large part to incidences of intimidation and violence directed toward witnesses, the concept of community justice is not without its critics. “The genocide was still there, but we had people who weren’t prepared to accept responsibility,” Mukabagwiza said. Perpetrators were encouraged to plead guilty to lesser sentences, often resulting in community service as punishment. Rwanda has also recently abolished the death penalty. Asked how fair it is to have murderers punished so leniently, Mukabagwiza replied: “It’s a step of reconciliation, of managing the situation – no matter what, it’s not going to be fair, but we had to face it as a country if we wanted to heal.”

This system has also helped in the reconciliation process by involving the families of both the perpetrator and the victim, as well as the communities into which offenders are being reintegrated. “The Gacaca process helps end suspicions and rumours,” Mukabagwiza said. “It wasn’t easy to put people together and have them trust. We need to know what happened so that we can reconciliate with people.”

Mukabagwiza spoke highly of the country’s progress in the decade since the genocide, saying Rwanda has managed well, developed strong business and legal structures and repositioned its tourism assets. “The country is now viewed as the most secure in the region,” she added, pointing out low rates of crime and corruption. She also added that 48.8 per cent of Rwanda’s parliamentary representatives are women – among the highest in the world

"Our goal has been to rid of the impression of impunity and to provide penalties that allow people to amend themselves and reintegrate into society," Mukabagwiza added. "The image of Rwanda is changing."

Supersize We.

A party sled for ten? Nope, just a fitness and promotion campaign (but my, wouldn't that be mighty fun!) Despite the debate they are apparently causing in parts of Switzerland, I thought these ads I found online today were actually quite clever. Designed as a guerrilla marketing campaign by Health Promotion Switzerland, each of these super-sized objects carries on it a sticker proclaiming, "Every Fifth Child is Overweight." Come on, they make some of the world's finest chocolate in Switzerland; how are you supposed to resist that?

Some Swiss are taking issue with the ads because they believe the constant bombardment of messages like these are also leading to a rising incidence of anorexia among children. In short, kids are being forced to worry about body image issues at too young an age. That said, part of the reason why is likely that many parents are seemingly unable or unwilling to take responsibility for ensuring children are provided with sufficient exercise and proper nutrition.

Every fifth? I can't imagine what the figure is in the United States. Actually, I can, because I just looked it up online (I'm like that); it's quite similar. Even more frightening are the statistics when you expand the cohort (co-horde?) to include adults: Only four states had obesity rates below 20 per cent in 2006. 22 states were over 25 per cent, of whom, 2 were over 30 - yes, 30 - per cent.

Not the Guy from 'Fantasy Island'.

Classic. Driving along the other day, I passed a tattoo shop with a sign outside that read:

"Get your tattoos while they're still cool!"

Quite a clever little jab given the recent mainstreaming of the marriage between skin and ink. I'm sure many still go in and miss the irony, carrying with them small scraps of paper with Chinese characters they think speak to their strength, empowerment and singularity. Inkredible.

Good Ol' College Try.

Take a pill - it's just an ad! After a couple of weeks of buzz, the lid is off College Ontario's "Obay" viral ad campaign (how many puns can we get into one paragraph? Hmm?), which prominently ran advertisements featuring a faux pharmaceutical and had people scratching their heads.

With the unveiling came a shiny new web site and fresh ads with overlays ("Don't push your kids into doing what you want.") designed to get parents and students thinking about options beyond university. Options are good.

I think it was also a clever, cooperative way for the province's colleges to leverage economies of scale and generate a positive, proactive campaign. I can't imagine that getting 24 colleges on the same page in order to run something so different was easy (now that's collegial). Now that the curiosity factor has peaked (as opposed to the past couple of weeks when it was piqued), however, I'll be curious to see how effective the rebranding strategy is going forward. Given how many students do not end up going to university, it still offers an important message.

As much as I liked the campaign, I still find it a little odd that most of the advertising was done in and around public transit, yet seemed to be targeted toward parents. That might work in Toronto, where the TTC enjoys a broad demographic, but in some of the province's other college towns and cities, I think you'd find the majority of riders would be the students themselves.

Tough Pill to Swallow.

When I first saw this bus ad the other day, I wondered if it was the work of an enterprising culture jammer making a statement of some sort related to society's propensity to medicate, rather than parent, its children. That or, maybe, an elaborate advertising campaign teaser, but I couldn't think of what it would relate to. The ad contained no identifying information and I was left scratching my head.

I didn't realize at the time that this ad, along with a series of others ("My son used to have his own aspirations, now he has mine. Thanks Obay!"), had begun popping up all over Toronto and in other Ontario cities. So it wasn't the work of a lone wolf, particularly given the expense of the campaign (there is also a 1-800 number, bus shelter ads, etc.).

It turns out that this brilliant piece of marketing is for Colleges Ontario, an advocacy group for the province's colleges. Appropriately enough, an announcement will be made at The Centre for Creative Communications at Centennial College tomorrow to give details about the campaign. I've only heard some rumours about what the ads' goals are, but in marketing terms, it's brilliant because people are talking and wondering. Kudos.

2008 Honda, with Tan Interior.

Obviously tongue-in-cheek, and a creative use of previously existing space, this Tan Factory cracks me up every time I pass it. I've heard of drive-thru restaurants, banks and heck, even liquor stores and gun shops (don't get me started on those), but I presume you'd need a convertible for this one.

Of course, the great irony is that you'd get a better tan with the top down if you weren't underneath a giant awning. That and your skin wouldn't turn a thermonuclear shade of orange.

Up in Smoke.

“Hey kids, look what happens to your teeth when you smoke…”

I must say I had to double take when I saw these packages of baby biscuits. Looking more like a double toke, the round-noggined youngsters appeared to be enjoying a nice tug on a cigar.

Of course - organic or not - that couldn't be possible. While it's not exactly easy to get babies to pose for photographs, you'd think the folks at My Organic Baby might have re-shot this picture rather than have a young Red Auerbach as spokesbaby.

Wanton Wonton.

A new year and yes, it appears that I am still all of twelve-years-old. Or, at least my sense of ha ha is.

Granted, finding humour at the expense of people's and product's names (which appears to be a main preoccupation of this blog) must be one of the baser forms of amusement, but I wonder if this noodle and wonton manufacturer is in any way related to our Malaysian friend, Soon Fatt Hung? Okay, no I don't.

Still an all-time great in the names department, does anybody remember former Maryland basketball player, Exree Hipp? You can also add other basketball classics like Scientific Mapp from Florida A&M (and his brother, Majestic) and God Shammgod (I wonder if the given name helped him avoid a smiting for the 'sham' reference in his surname?) who earned a cup of coffee in the NBA (more like an espresso shot, it was so brief).

Floo(Red).

With his execution in December 2006, I suppose Saddam Hussein wouldn't have been eligible this year (YouTube suggests he's at the end of his rope anyway).

But really. Really? Is this what our world has come to? The ghostly face of Eastern Europe's grand puppet master staring back at us as Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" because of his ability to "impose stability"? What am I missing? Fine, the publisher's criteria look at an individual's influence in the world - not necessarily positive contributions. That said, I'm just thinking it's a sad state of affairs if we cannot come up with someone more deserving. You know, someone who hasn't reputedly perpetrated (say that ten times really quickly...) a series of crimes against humanity under the crushing grip of his iron thumb.

Well, I suppose Time's border is red - and not in the manner of Bono's Red campaign - but I can't think of any publication that should feature Russian President Vladimir Putin as its "Person of the Year" other than Dictator Monthly (now with pin-ups!), or, you know, maybe the press he controls in his home country. Naturally, if they didn't comply, he'd show them exactly why Time felt the need to bestow upon him this title.

Here's hoping for better things in 2008.

The Sound of Year End II.

It's not only time for fat men in red suits to make lists and check them twice - it is, after all, that time again for year-end posts. For the record, while my ears unwrapped a lot of extremely enjoyable music in 2007, very few complete albums really stood out for me, unlike last year. As such, I'm going to list my 15 favourite songs I came across in 2007 (whether they were issued then or not), in no particular order (album name in parentheses). You know, the ones that, at one point or another, were on constant repeat. Digital waxy goodness available here. Drum roll, please:

Beirut: A Sunday Smile (The Flying Club Cup). For me, 2007 was about all things Zach Condon, meaning Beirut and his previous bands, The Real People and 1971. From Gulag Orkestar to the Lon Gisland and Elephant Gun EPs, to The Flying Club Cup, who knew European gypsy music could be so infectious?

Beirut: Elephant Gun (Elephant Gun EP). Yes, more Beirut, this time from the aforementioned Elephant Gun EP. Bring on the brass section. Condon was rather prolific in 2007, issuing two EPs and a full-length album on the footsteps of Gulag Orkestar's acclaim. 'Strike while the iron's hot,' they say.

Basia Bulat: Snakes & Ladders (Oh, My Darling). Canadian content alert! Not only that, Bulat is a Master's student at The University of Western Ontario, working out of London and Toronto. It's a shame the album was released in the UK prior to Canada earlier this year, but it's one of the year's best.

Feist: My Moon My Man (The Reminder). Seemingly trying to re-introduce sequined jumpsuits to the collective consciousness, sometime Broken Social Scener Leslie Feist hit the mainstream with her catchy (and well-choreographed) videos. This one was used in an infectious commercial for the iPod Touch.

Fionn Regan: Put a Penny in the Slot (The End of History). Sure, this ultra-witty song has a really catchy chorus and a reference to Saul Bellow, but really, Regan had me at the lyric that mentioned a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Seriously, how many musicians would be ingenious enough to come up with that one?

Nicole Atkins: The Way it Is (Neptune City). One aural taste of Atkins' debut EP Bleeding Diamonds made the New Jersyan's first full-length a hotly anticipated release this year. Not to be confused with the diet, Atkins' voice is full and rich, haunting and enchanting.

Blair: Mona Lisa (Pluto). New Orleans-based Blair gave her EP the name Pluto as a metaphor for the impact hurricane Katrina had on the city, comparing it to the scientific community's decision to delist Pluto as a planet, saying: "Something is one way all your life, then all of a sudden, it totally changes."

Interpol: There's No I in Threesome (Our Love to Admire). Sure, the title reaches out and grabs you, but so does the hook. Popular opinion is that Interpol has been unable to recapture past glories of Turn Off the Bright Lights and Antics, but I'd say this album has more high points than not. Or, at least three.

Stars: Bitches of Tokyo (In Our Bedroom After the War). Given my love for Stars, I had looked forward to the release of this album with great anticipation, but haven't found that it has lived up to my expectations thus far. Except for this track, which has made me dance around once or twice this year.

Kate Nash: Foundations (Made of Bricks). "Dear God, I hope I'm not stuck with this one," Nash sings of a dysfunctional relationship she's holding on to by her fingernails. Comparisons to Lily Allen are obvious, but Nash brings a deeper sensibility to her songs and a dry wit that often counters the bouncing tunes.

Voxtrot: Real Life Version (Self-Titled). Another band that has achieved critical acclaim on the backs of several EPs and much love in the blogosphere, this is Voxtrot's first full-length album. While I'm not sure the LP hit all the high notes the EPs did, the band continues to craft beautiful pop songs.

Miracle Fortress: This Thing About You (Five Roses). Nominated for Canada's Polaris Prize last year, Miracle Fortress is essentially the work of Montreal-based Graham Van Pelt (who isn't coming out of Montreal these days?) Sunny and whirling, this is easily my favourite track on the album.

Lily Allen: Nan, You're a Window Shopper (Alright, Still - B-Sides). Sure, she's a bit of a brat and a self-admitted alcoholic, but the cheeky Allen can churn out some sunny pop tunes. Somewhat of a guilty pleasure, a number of Allen's songs wormed their way into my consciousness, but ended up being overplayed.

Maritime: Parade of Punk Rock T-Shirts (We, the Vehicles). Fine, this song (2006) is not from this year (Heresy & the Hotel Choir is), but it introduced me to the band that rose from the ashes of The Promise Ring and The Dismemberment Plan. Infectious and catchy, but hardly punk rock.

Eleni Mandell: Girls (Miracle of Five). "Do you still cry about girls you wanted?" Mandell softly croons to a soft-strumming guitar. No, no tears. While I can't say I'm much of a fan of her other work, this was a delightfully pleasant track that made its way into rotation for me this summer.

Upon hitting "Publish Post", I know some other song will likely vie for Top 15 honours in my head, but that's just the way it is. There were too many good songs to list, so I stuck with the ones that made me keep hitting repeat in 2007. Your faves? Hit the Comments section.

More Signs from Africa.

Ah, the subtleties of the English language. Walking through Mwanza, Tanzania, I had to chuckle about this store's sign. If you're in the market for a better-than-average snack, you're in luck - but for a matching, quality, beverage, no dice. They only serve "standard" drinks. Sigh, my thirst continued, unabated, due to my highfalutin ways.

This next sign, at the Tanzania Breweries plant in Mwanza (which produces 13 different East African beers), seems less funny than perhaps redundant. Really, smoking kills your taste buds? Who knew? Then again, with how often many people twin cancer sticks with drinking, maybe the brewer should be testing the taste of tobacco with hops.

As an aside, a positive story from our tour of the brewery was the discovery that they treat water from Lake Victoria and run a tap into the local community from which citizens can take clean water for free. This was slightly encouraging, despite the greater problem in Tanzania of beer and soda generally being cheaper than potable water.

The Future is Beer (er, Near).

Seen on a street corner downtown: a comical juxtaposition of signs from both former and future tenants at one of the city's landmark buildings.

In large, bold letters, one banner blares: "Building Positive Futures for Youth". Under it, however, window paint exposes the building's history as a pub that hawks $2 beer on Mondays (inset) - likely a message the new establishment will be trying to avoid. Scraper, anyone?