Playing With Words. And Hearts.

Ah, happy Valentine's day to those of you up to your eyeballs in powdered sugar and rose petals. May Cupid's arrow be soft and plushy. And your hearts, a-pitter-patter. You know, if that's how you roll (frankly, weapon-toting cherubs aren't my scene).

While I'm generally loathe to forward chain emails, I'll occasionally make an exception if only to revel in debunking seemingly realistic messages as hoaxes (and boy, are there many of those out there). Or, if they're particularly witty, they may merit more than a passing nod, forcing me to suck the drool back up from the corner of my gaping mouth. Perhaps, if they're droll, I won't drool? Granted, with yesterday's post in tow, it may begin to seem like I'm leaning a little too heavily on my inbox for post fodder. But I guess that's what happens when I'm not traveling. I can't regale you with tails of food in a bag. Mmm, food in a bag. Or jerky? Sorry.

Today's email is both clever and apparently, a hoax. Replicated web-wide because the premise is believable and the content, ingenious (though some of the so-called winners don't actually prescribe to the rule of only modifying one letter within the word and I also really cannot fathom a newspaper of that repute using some of these so-called 'winners'). I share for sheer enjoyment only.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

My favourite, by far, was Sarchasm. Hoax be darned like a sock, I still found them entertaining. And I hope you do, too. For more such plays on words, visit unwords.com. And appropriately enough, my word submission for today is "Clogger", defined as someone whose blog is a blatant waste of bandwidth. And on that, I close.

Left Overs. Right Under Here.

A mere twenty-four hours after most of us, clutching our aching and bloated bellies, swore upon the Ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, that we would never again be foolish enough to eat, what do we do?

We obey the faint whispers, which grew steadily louder throughout the day, from the gaping maw of the refrigerator: "Turkey with cranberry sauce, sour cream mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with candied pecans, stuffing and broccoli, slathered in cheese -- you will obey me." And what do we do? We obey. "Seconds?" Sure. Why not? What can it hurt? Oh, that. But dang it tastes good.

Even Charlie, staring at me plaintively when I wouldn't share anything off of my plate, had decided holiday leftovers were just what his stomach had ordered. So, off he headed into the kitchen and away from mean ol' unsharing UD, greedily smacking his lips in sync with dancing taste buds. There he sat, staring up at the counter top upon which the rest of the leftovers lurked. Taunting him. A bat of his eyelashes, but alas, the food did not fall. A hard stare and still, nothing. It was as though he thought dinner would suddenly sprout legs and traipse down the cupboard, directly into his belly. Actually, come to think of it, some of the leftovers did have legs. Wait a second...

Happy pugilism day, all.

The Sound of Year End.

Year end: a time when we not only hang our stockings by the fireplace with care (or, lacking both a fireplace and a stocking...), but also a time when we look back on the year that was. Last year was 2003, right? Man, time flies.

In short, many of us get all weepy-eyed and reflective. Or not. In celebration of an annum, which had its share of highs and lows, the attached .rar file will provide you with you a sampling of highlights from the year that was in my headphones. Or earbuds -- whatever the kids are calling them these days. Brings new meaning to the term, "spinning the wax" when referring to music. Enjoy -- unwrap this.

Favorite Albums of 2006 (song titles in brackets):

1. The Greatest: Cat Power ("The Greatest" and "Willie"). Welcome to Chan Marshall, aka Cat Power. I was first introduced to her on a Matador records compilation in the late-nineties and even then, there was something eerily, aurally captivating about her. Then I promptly mostly forgot about her until The Greatest came out this year. Which, smoky and emotive, captured my heart again, likely becoming my favorite album of the year -- cold, brittle jewel case to cold, brittle jewel case.

2. Let's Get out of the Country: Camera Obscura (Let's Get out of the Country). Moving to a more robust sound than on Biggest, Bluest Hi-Fi and Underachievers, Please Try Harder, twee-poppers Camera Obscura came into their own in 2006 with a better-than-solid album from beginning to end. I could have included any number of songs from this album, but this one kept coming back to me this year as a call to travel. So it wins.

3. Begin to Hope: Regina Spektor "Samson". "Apres Moi" was the other song from Begin to Hope over which I could have worn out the click wheel of my iPod this year. If I had an iPod, that is. I found that to be a very powerful song, a contrast to the brilliantly written and softly sung, "Samson", a further stripped-down version of which appeared on Ms. Spektor's earlier album, Songs.

Random Favorite Songs of 2006 (album titles in brackets):

The Shins: "Phantom Limb" (Wincing the Night Away); The Yeah Yeah Yeahs: "Dudley" (Show your Bones); Asobi Seksu: "Thursday" (Citrus); Robert Pollard: "Dancing Girls and Dancing Men" (From a Compound Eye); Silversun Pickups: "Lazy Eye" (Carnavas); Emily Haines: "Our Hell" (Knives Don't Have Your Back); Albert Hammond, jr.: "In Transit" (Yours to Keep); The Long Blondes: Giddy Stratospheres (Someone to Drive you Home); The Decemberists: "Yankee Bayonet (I will be home then)" (The Crane Wife); Voxtrot: "The Start of Something" (Voxtrot EP); The Great Lake Swimmers: Various Stages (Bodies and Minds).

Other new music spinning out of control like Lindsay Lohan: Metric, Rogue Wave, Band of Horses, Midlake, My Brightest Diamond and Beirut.

To all: a Merry Christmas (or whichever holiday you celebrate) and best wishes for a tremendous -- brace yourself, now -- 2007.

Happy Birthday, SCS.

Where's Sandy Claus?

A little early -- perhaps yes. But seeing as I will not be around for the first bit of December, I thought I'd try to counterbalance the grey wetness of the past couple of weeks by putting my Christmas tree up tonight. Yeah, it's about as real as Michael Jackson's nose. And, mon petit arbre de noël dénudée is, quite frankly, even put to shame by Charlie Brown's. Not, of course, to be confused with Charlie, le chat-chose. And yet, visions of sugarplums still dance in my head, lights-a-twinkling and wondering where the egg nog is.

Happy Halloween, Boo-ys and Ghouls.

Down to the wire, just before the buzzer and all those other tried-and-true clichés. Happy Halloween! Here's hoping your carriage doesn't turn into a pumpkin at midnight because my feeling is that, by the time this night is through, there will be seeds and distorted jack-o'-lantern faces, smeared like an Edvard Munch painting, all over the road. Or at least dotting the landscape like orange Smarties.

Wait a second. Smarties? I'm feeling the shaft -- no candy for me. Sigh. Happy Halloween everyone; I hope it has been a safe one.

Happy Turkey Day.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm particularly thankful to many of you for your support over the past year -- certainly a trying one for me. And to others of you, I'm thankful for ongoing support over the years despite my not always picking up the phone as often as I should.

Really, no matter which way life turns, we are still surrounded by plenty of things for which we can, or should, be thankful. Little things. Big things. Or at least I am. The way someone looks at you with a glint in their eyes. Friendship. Family. The laughter of children. And their neck hugs. The ever-changing beauty of the world. And of new experience. Freedom to think, write and believe what you want. And to act silly. Health, to whatever degree. That it could always be worse. Warmth in winter. Cool in summer. Fall leaves and spring flowers. Memory. Pictures to assist it. A soft touch. Words: good, new and intriguing. Caring for someone. Being cared about. Having encountered many people who don't necessarily realize the extent to which they have impacted your life. And trying to pare down that list by letting them know. A pet's whisper. Trust. Overcoming obstacles. Not being able to list everything for which you are thankful.

Happy thanksgiving. Be safe. Enjoy your families, football, pie and irrational amounts of turkey. Then be thankful that the aching in your stomachs will indeed go away. Eventually. But maybe only after a smidge more stuffing. With gravy.

Doing my Civic Duty.

Sunny with Cloudy periods and no anticipated precipitation for the next couple of days. It's even supposed to cool off a bit this evening. It has been smeltery for the past few, with base temperatures of 33-34 degrees and the humidity making clothes cling that many degrees more. So much soppy laundry. I think I sweated off five pounds simply breathing. Ick. Now that I realized yesterday that it's a long weekend, I'll be sure to do my civic duty and take Monday off. Or at least work from somewhere other than the office.

After heading out to play tennis last night and having the drizzle decide to taunt us and then deliver the deluge that was a sucker punch, the opportunity might just present itself tonight to renew acquaintances with the courts in my life that are a bit friendlier. Um, and a picnic upcoming. And if the house sells...champagne corks-a-poppin' (instead of paint cans). Please?

Blue themed day in honour of the finally-blue skies. From work to leisure, blue all around.

Happy Canada Day!

It's Canada Day! Be safe, wherever you are in this fine land. Better yet, get out and enjoy it!