Bringing out the Nerd in Me.

I've been away from this whole blog thingamajig of late, but not away from the computer. No, keys tapping in fists of flurry, I've instead been busy reacquainting myself with my inner-geek --not to mention discovering how compulsive I can sometimes be. Maybe I knew all along, but just didn't want to face it. Something about colour-coding my shirts and alphabetizing my CD collection might have been the grand tip-off.

See, a little more than a week ago, I was finally able to break down and order a new laptop and I have since spent far too much time transferring all of my data from the old computer. As it turns out, I have many large music and photo files. Many. And it took quite a bit of time to welcome them to their new home. After a year spent plotting the purchase of a new laptop, I spent the 25 hours from order to delivery driving everyone around me nuts, constantly refreshing the online order tracking form for progress. Like I was an expectant father, fingers tapping with a parched caffeine drip hanging languidly from my vein. "Order received. Packed. Shipped. En route." Of course, everyone else needed to be updated throughout. "Dilated, 120km". Yeah, you could say I was giddy. Or something.

Most exhausting, however, was the sheer number of hours I spent meticulously re-tagging music files so that they would all follow the same format. Before changing my mind as to how they should look. Then -- inevitably -- finding an easier way to do it. And changing them again. All albums are now tucked into appropriate folders and have been conveniently clad in their respective album covers. Pretty, but at what cost? Have I gone mad? Am I alone in such neuroses? I sigh with relief under the assumption I am likely not (either mad, or alone). Really, much like cleaning a new house, it helps to start with an attempt at being organized because you know the clutter is going to come. In a deluge.

Photos, too, have been properly sorted by month and year; raw files playing across the school yard from edited versions. Cliques form within cliques as re-sized photos drift apart from those small enough for email, those deemed "Arty" and those bastard sons: the blog photos. Sweat on furrowed brow, I believe I finally have things at a manageable stage (though I there are still a few things I want to integrate). Breathing. A sigh of relief. The caffeine drip has worn off.

So, the details: the new arrival is a Sony Vaio VGN-N170G with a 120 GB hard drive, 1GB of RAM and an Intel Core Duo T2050 processor with a 1.60 GHZ processor speed. Not the biggest rocket in the computer world, but by far an upgrade over what I had been using previously. And most importantly, it fit into the budget. Particularly since work was picking up the tab. Mac users no doubt giggle and aficionados likely decry its presence on the computer landscape, but I'm nonetheless pretty geeked.

As a celebration of the new laptop, I decided to have a little fun with the idea of Transparent Screens (for more, and better iterations, visit this Flickr set). After all of the time I've spent on the computer lately, I didn't really want to devote much more to making the shot perfect, nor to using any tricks in Photoshop, so the first version above is from about ten minutes of playing. A couple of the shots lined up a little better than this one, but it was the action shot of Charlie, likely pouncing on a fruit fly (being the big hunter he is), which made it much funnier to me. I think, maybe, he was just as excited as I about the new Vaio. "Yeah UD, it means more pictures of me now. Um, where's my treat?" The second shot was actually my first attempt, but I whacked the box, throwing it all out of alignment. I guess I crackered under pressure.

Left Overs. Right Under Here.

A mere twenty-four hours after most of us, clutching our aching and bloated bellies, swore upon the Ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, that we would never again be foolish enough to eat, what do we do?

We obey the faint whispers, which grew steadily louder throughout the day, from the gaping maw of the refrigerator: "Turkey with cranberry sauce, sour cream mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with candied pecans, stuffing and broccoli, slathered in cheese -- you will obey me." And what do we do? We obey. "Seconds?" Sure. Why not? What can it hurt? Oh, that. But dang it tastes good.

Even Charlie, staring at me plaintively when I wouldn't share anything off of my plate, had decided holiday leftovers were just what his stomach had ordered. So, off he headed into the kitchen and away from mean ol' unsharing UD, greedily smacking his lips in sync with dancing taste buds. There he sat, staring up at the counter top upon which the rest of the leftovers lurked. Taunting him. A bat of his eyelashes, but alas, the food did not fall. A hard stare and still, nothing. It was as though he thought dinner would suddenly sprout legs and traipse down the cupboard, directly into his belly. Actually, come to think of it, some of the leftovers did have legs. Wait a second...

Happy pugilism day, all.

Charlie-in-the-Box.

Walking into the kitchen last night, we came across the just-purchased, yet suddenly furrier-than-expected blue box. Had it grown ears? And a fluffy tail? Seems Sir Charlie had discovered a new spot for repose. "Um, I'm en-vi-ron-men-tally- (that's a tough word for a cat missing its front teeth) friendly cat-thing," he said. "And I thought you might've stashed the treats in there." At least he didn't use it as a litter box.

I had heard of the Cat in The Hat (and regrettably, the movie version, too), but never Cat-in-the-Box. Timely, though, as The University of Western Ontario is giving away a Jack-in-the-box featuring one of its football players this weekend, following up on last year's bobblehead gimmick. And the featured player is quick as a cat. Ah, it's all coming together now: Charlie, a marketing wizard.

"Um, yeah, those ears belonged to me. What were you expecting? And no, these walls are not padded. But I like the blue; it accents my coat, don't you think? I wonder what Candice Olsen could do to this place on Divine Design?"

Toss Your Salads.

It used to be that spinach and some Olive Oyl might be fine starting ingredients for cooking, but it seems Popeye's muscles might atrophy a bit over the next while as North America faces a health scare over fresh, bagged versions of the green stuff that inevitably sticks between your teeth, making you look like a hockey player.

32 brands of spinach have thus far been yanked from grocery stores in the United States and Canada, to ebullient shrieks of delight from children everywhere. It seems the organic spinach was a bit dyslexic, not content to just be a tremendous source of Vitamin C, thinking instead that it was supposed to also contain Vitamin E.coli. Don't worry, kiddos, we can certainly fill that vacant spot on your plates with parsnips. Universal groans.

I'm just awaiting conspiracy theories that this is the work of Al-Qaeda and their quest to rid the world of leafy, green vegetable-eating infidels. Ah, plant the seeds of destruction...

And, in other late-breaking salad news, Faisal had, appropriately enough, sent me this picture of a bagged salad yesterday. And yes, that is a frog nestled inside. Ribbit. Surprisingly, it didn't croak. Not quite E.coli, but some unwanted protein nonetheless. Many similar-type hoaxes make their rounds of the Internet on a regular basis, so I tend to immediately be skeptical and look them up. Ah, joys from the immediacy the Internet provides a curious mind, read: geek. This one is, apparently, still inconclusive -- and there is precedence of frogs in bagged salads. Might be good with some French Dressing, though I'm not sure the lil' guy is certified organic. Still doesn't top my having a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken in 1987 and finding that it still had two feathers attached. And yes, I ate it anyway.

One of my personal favorite Internet pranks was the so-called National Geographic Photo of the Year hoax where a shark attacks a military diver hanging from a helicopter. Yeah, because the Great White really lurks in waters under the Golden Gate bridge. As an aside, rumours of any sharks inhabiting those waters -- and hence deterring potential escapees from Alcatraz -- are also apparently false, the result of strategic storytelling by prison guards.

This has been a week the agriculture industry hopes we can leaf behind as they set to work raising new baby bib. Hopefully tomorrow will bring news of a different appetizer which is, well, more appetizing than today's.

Above: Charlie had a long night partying with the students next door. Needless to say, he was feeling a little worse for the wear this morning. Too much catnip. "Need me some latte. Purr-fecto."

Below: And on the heels of the spinach scare (and frankly, he's not overly fond of frogs, unless it's Kermit, either), Charlie's sticking with yogurt. Or at least sticking his tongue into it.


"Enough! No more, UD! Is that bloomin' camera permanently affixed to your hand when mom's not around? I'm shy. Really. And hungover. One more and I'm gonna' go Sean Penn on you. Is mom ever comin' home? Dang paparazzi. Where's my treat? I so need a latte."

Ripping off Victoria.

Alright, so I'm unabashedly plagiarizing from Victoria this time (visit her fine blog, Idle Thoughts and Random Links). And I feel fine about it. I had just found a couple of things I liked, so here they are for your viewing pleasure (and yes Victoria, you have already seen these somewhere...)

First, this to the right (--> that-a-way, silly) is just plain disturbing. But I want it. Sad. But where do I get it? Mr. Suicide bathtub Plug. Yike. For when you feel it's all going down the drain. When you're sinking (or tubbing, for that matter). Sort of a reverse hanging effect, bobbing away on the surface, waiting for Leonardo DiCaprio to say "I'm King of the world". Then ending it all forever to strains of Celine Dion.

The second thing, was a post listing life experiences where you bold the things you've done. In an effort to better get to know you, the readers, and for you to get to know me, the crackpot at the computer, here is my list (feel free to copy and leave yours in the comments section should you wish). Suddenly I don't feel so boring (though I AM sitting here on the computer. Still.) Discuss.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins (fudge number 1: not sure how wild they were)
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped (too anti-climactic after number 50)
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all nightlong and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights (have seen parts, but would love to see them up north)
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg (does a glacier count?)
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (only when tethered, so no)
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (only a part of a day, but then, I'm like that)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states (working on it -- up to at least 27 by car)
41. Taken care of someone who was sh*t faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales (fudge number 2: it was only one Orca, but it was wild)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip (see here)
48. Gone rock climbing (I'm told I'm going soon)
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds (not to mention colour-coded closets)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke (mercifully, no)
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers (again, mercifully, no)
61. Gone scuba diving (a dream, ahead -- bring on the reefs)
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced (Working on it, though still 'separated')
76. Gone without food for 5 days (riiiiight -- have you seen me?)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert" (well, radio)
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas (Reno, the poor man's Vegas, though)
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children (in process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (one stop, many miles away...)
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (no, but drove it, or sat on it in rush hour anyway)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray (RIP, Steve Irwin)
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth (Do people count?)
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery (how major?)
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi (Yum, Wonder Sushi!)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (among others, ironically, while doing 32)
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school (soon)
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (DVD was tougher to chew than the VHS though)
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey (bloomin' English degree)
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish)
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head (see above, right)
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

Updated: 12/18/2007

Unexpected Charlie Update! Nothing like the headline, "Charlie Attacks" to send Vietnam Veterans everywhere a-scurryin'. A case of the elevens (apparently cats tend to act all crazy around 11 p.m., hence 'the elevens' -- discuss amongst yourselves), albeit about a half hour early for the favorite feline. Random tearing around the house, pouncing on, let's see here -- air. Ever the fierce hunter. Nothing says Big Game Prey like, well, a prowling, green backpack. Charlie says he was able to subdue the beast, which he feared to be a giant turtle. But a fast-moving one. Really.



Now calm, he has been playing peek-a-boo from behind the chair for about ten minutes. Ever bashful, that cat. "Where's my darn treat, UD?" And now, the loudest purr, like a rattlesnake, pacing figure eights between my legs.

Safe Travels, SCS.

Yes, more Google Maps. That'll be it for now, though, I promise; however, the SCS 2006 World Tour continues today with her first stop in Detroit, Michigan before eventually proceeding to Nairobi, Kenya. In a couple of days, it's on to Mwanza, Tanzania, home to some of Charlie's distant cousins ("But, I'm a fierce hunter, too, UD. Even without my front teeth.") Anyway, travel safely, SCS. Help make the world a better place. Then, come back to us.


Above: Amsterdam, Holland.
Below: Nairobi, Kenya. I love that you can see the clouds over Nairobi. And shadows from them, too.


Below: Mwanza, Tanzania. From above, it looks almost like an uvula (don't be such a dirty cad -- that's the thing hanging in the back of your throat).


Speaking of Sir Charles, he just came out of the closet (again, no, not that way) after a good play/stalk/curl-up. Yawn. Now, there are butterflies to hunt -- an homage to his heritage "Butterflies, shmutterflies, I'm going for big game now!" he insists, eyeing the catnip. Hm, catnip -- looks like he might just fit in with the students next door after all if you know what I mean.

The Charlie Obsession Continues.

One more day until Charlie's mom (wasn't that a song a couple of years ago for which there was a video featuring Rachel Hunter?...) comes back home, so a few more pictures to tide her over. He really wants her to know that, while he's doing okay with UD, he misses her. And wants her to come home from Texas. And that he hasn't touched any beans today. Rehab is working out just fine, thank you.

"Um, time for treats yet? No really, it has been about ten minutes since you petted me. I think I deserve a treat. Fine, I'll just go have a nap. But make sure there's a treat waiting for when I get back. Got it? Treeeeeeat. Mom would give me one. (*Muttered*) Silly humans. And I've got to put up with them for nine lives. Better be more treats."

Charlie's been busy watching the rainstorm from the windowsill this morning. It's quite wet. And, according to his master plan I am sure, the rain has kept me here. I should tell him that I was going to go out to buy more treats. Maybe then he'll stop the rain for a bit.

"Is that you with the camera again, UD? But isn't the rain pretty? I think I'm going to catch a butterfly now. No, maybe not. Tired. Been a taxing morning, you know. Pet me?"

Playing 'cat-and-mouse': Charlie is a modern cat. While the history between cats and mice has existed for centuries, Charles -- preparing to make his latest blog entry -- grabs ahold of this generation's version of a mouse. "Which one's the left-click again, UD?"

* In conducting the spell-check, I just found it interesting that the word "blog" doesn't come up. Odd considering it's a spell-check integrated within blog software. Hmm.

Charlie-sitting (and standing) continues.

As Charlie-sitting continues -- and particularly as a certain special someone is abroad and missing the little furrball -- today's update will again feature the bean-licking wonder. Charlemagne.


"It has been a long day, UD, will you puh-lease put the camera away already? Where's Farah? I know you're still trying to make up for the whole 'Barkley' episode, but my fame has come. I get it. I've been blogged. Now I'm just bagged. I want to rest. You tire me out, dang-gum-it. Um, where's mom? I miss her, you know. You told her on the phone? Good -- you'll train up nicely. Now put the camera away and go get me a treat, post-haste."

When I came back to the house today, I was greeted less by a little feline friend than by a Hansel and Gretel-like trail from the dining room to the kitchen. Except it wasn't candy (Mmm, candy. I wonder if there's any candy stashed around here?) Nope, it was beans. 11 victims at this scene, chalk outlines intact. One more in the dining room. Approached by a little furrball with raised eyebrows and an Alfred E. Newman "Who me?" look, I contemplated. Recaltricant perhaps? I think not. Still, he got a treat. Let's try playing good cop. And he finally ate it directly from my fingers. Purring and tail-wagging included. Yes, indeedy, the master plan is falling into place (we both say, grinning slyly).

"What, you think that just because you have a picture of me with a bean in it, you have any sort of evidence of my 'alleged' culpability? It means nothing. I stick my tongue out at you -- that's what I think of your callow accusations. They're not worth a hill of beans. If the bean doesn't fit, you must acquit! I was just guarding it for you, UD. (*Batting eyelashes*) I thought you might be hungry. Well, are you? Um, furry bean is my specialty. I mean, I mean, I mean, it came that way. Yeah, from the furry bean plant."

"Oh, THOSE security camera shots. It wasn't me? You're not buying it? But I'm furry. And I'll pace in figure eights around you. Will you pet me now? A treat perhaps?" So yes, Jack and the Beanstalk was a good story, but Charlie and the Bean Stalk was even better.


"I may be sitting in the corner, but that's not an indication of my guilt. I'm just sad because I miss mom. You know what make me feel a tiiiiiiny bit better? Yes, that's it (*rubbing paws together with the slightest hint of a sly grin*). That's right, UD, coming along nicely indeed. Now, be a good boy and go get me my treat. Chop, chop."

Charlemagne, the Bean Licker.

Walking through the door this evening, I was greeted by fierce little hunter with eyes askance, questioning, "Um, where's mom?" A prompt fur stroke and -- more importantly -- a treat, and the questioning was reduced to, "No really, where is Texas? Is that where my tiger cousins live? You know, they say that everything is bigger in Texas."

Well, except of course, for Presidents' brains.

Charlie says: "I am suspicious of you. Do you have treats? Where's mom? No really, do you have treats? Yum. Okay, I like you now."

Of course, cats aren't normally known for their love of literature (Dr. Seuss was a blatant misrepresentation, apparently. Who knew cats don't really wear hats?), but this gift seemed to touch Charlie today, given his occasional nickname. Usually, Charlie has more 'prowl' in him than 'prowess' with words, but then again, he does have his own blog, for which he popped up onto the chair opposite to update a little while ago. Then, he followed me to the back room and leapt up beside me to keep me company. Or to get some more attention. It's gotta' be the treats.

A quick bean-lick and Charlie was feline fine. Tongue out, stalking the troublesome beanus waximus, native North America and now early extinct (for the season). The poor bean didn't stand a chance. Tongue marks, found all over the victim. He was only three days old. The purr-fect crime. By a whisker.

He's had a good pet, some dinner, is drooling all over the place and just gave me the belly after pacing around me in circles on the bed. And now, he is sitting inside my bag. But he misses mom.

Charles: Work Buddy.

So, it seems that Charlie was a little jealous of all the coverage Barkley has received in the blogosphere. He even typed about it on his own secret, underground blog. Oddly though, the duffer's paws have an easier time with typing on his specially feligned keyboard than they do with the tiny camera buttons employed today. Hence, no pictures of himself. Seems to be a common problem. He does, however, year for the days of yore when he could just tuck his head under a hood, fire off some gunpowder (though that may lead to some skittishness or s-cat-ishness) and get a nice shiny picture. Well, here's to you, your highness. Charlemagne.


Knuckle in the ear. Yeah. That's right.

















"Whachu lookin' at, fool? Get back to work!"

Mwahaha Says Charlie.

Charlie? Could that really be you? Unbearable!