Playing With Words. And Hearts.

Ah, happy Valentine's day to those of you up to your eyeballs in powdered sugar and rose petals. May Cupid's arrow be soft and plushy. And your hearts, a-pitter-patter. You know, if that's how you roll (frankly, weapon-toting cherubs aren't my scene).

While I'm generally loathe to forward chain emails, I'll occasionally make an exception if only to revel in debunking seemingly realistic messages as hoaxes (and boy, are there many of those out there). Or, if they're particularly witty, they may merit more than a passing nod, forcing me to suck the drool back up from the corner of my gaping mouth. Perhaps, if they're droll, I won't drool? Granted, with yesterday's post in tow, it may begin to seem like I'm leaning a little too heavily on my inbox for post fodder. But I guess that's what happens when I'm not traveling. I can't regale you with tails of food in a bag. Mmm, food in a bag. Or jerky? Sorry.

Today's email is both clever and apparently, a hoax. Replicated web-wide because the premise is believable and the content, ingenious (though some of the so-called winners don't actually prescribe to the rule of only modifying one letter within the word and I also really cannot fathom a newspaper of that repute using some of these so-called 'winners'). I share for sheer enjoyment only.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

My favourite, by far, was Sarchasm. Hoax be darned like a sock, I still found them entertaining. And I hope you do, too. For more such plays on words, visit unwords.com. And appropriately enough, my word submission for today is "Clogger", defined as someone whose blog is a blatant waste of bandwidth. And on that, I close.